I Blew My Box Away

Written by Jamie Bessette

My daughter is madly in love with horses. She eats, sleeps and dreams of horses. Her room is decorated in horses. Get my drift? So let me tell you a story about horses.

When I was little my brother, sister and I were riding my uncle’s pony. We had been taking turns riding it, sometimes alone at other times with one another. This pony was old and trained to walk around the house. This was great fun! All afternoon around and around the house we went. On this particular trip around the house all three of us were on the horse. To this day I have no idea what happened but it started bucking. I mean full on bucking. If I had to guess I would say my sister did something to it.

Off the three of use went, crashing hard to the ground. The pony stepped on me which only added insult to my injury. My mom had us all in the bathroom trying to clean the dirt off of us; we were all crying. It was a rather traumatic event. My brother did not ride another horse until his work required him to do so some 20 years later and then as soon as he could he transferred out of that duty and he still does not like horses. I had gone on a handful of trail rides but only because I was with groups that wanted to go on one, it was not something I would have picked to do and I usually drank a beer or four before going. I found horses to be unpredictable and I was always jumpy around them.

My mother-in-law is also is madly in love with horses, this is probably where my daughter caught the bug. They went on a wonderful horse adventure together. After riding one of Nana’s horses at her house since she could barely walk, at the age of 6 Mallory began taking lessons with a trainer down the road. She learned English (you know the tan pants, black suit jackets and black velvet helmets) and Western Pleasure riding (this is not western cowboy riding, no this is pretty, flashy show shirts, crisp black pants under black suede chaps with freshly steamed jet black cowboy hats). All very proper. I’ve told a number of people that these shows are one step down from those little girl beauty pageants. Each event has specific outfits and saddles and in between each event you are changing. The girls wear sparkly earrings and wear makeup. They do their hair so it looks good under their hat or helmet. It’s pretty intense.

Horse time at Nana’s house. (This was before we realized my son is allergic to horses.)

But now let’s pause for a moment. Picture yourself at a zoo, at the elephant exhibit to be specific. They are magnificent creatures aren’t they. So big and beautiful to watch, from afar. Now imagine yourself standing next to the front leg of one. Your feeling changes doesn’t it? Bet you were thinking some like, “oh heck NO!” That’s how I felt about horses. They evoked almost a panic in me. Every time one got too close to me I wanted to scream and run away. I can’t express the fear that boiled up inside of me when I was around horses. I blame the bucking pony for this fear by the way.

I was the best mother I could be during these times. I would go to lessons and take pictures and videos. I’d be her biggest cheerleader every chance I got. I would help with hair and outfit changes and keeping track of which event we were on but mainly this was something that Nana and my daughter did together. As I am writing this just remembering these days my armpits are sweating- true story.

When my daughter was 9 we moved. We moved far enough away that Nana could no longer be the main horse lady which left you know who. You guys, I couldn’t even hold the lead line for a horse because that was too close. How was I going to do this?!!! God works in mysterious ways.

My mother-in-law found us a new trainer. I reluctantly called him. I was so nervous I had no idea how I was going to make this happen but I knew this was the most important thing in my daughter’s life and I didn’t want my fear to take it away from her. When I talked with the new trainer I explained my situation. He was so kind. He basically told me to get her out there and he’d take care of the rest. There was relief in me that I might be able to go back to being the cheerleader.

He was true to his word. I brought her out to his barn and he did the rest. A few lessons in she told him that she wanted to do things other than English and Western Pleasure. After double checking with me to make sure I was in agreement the two of them started on a new adventure. First up, barrel racing. Three months after starting lessons with our new trainer she entered her 1st race. She won her first $15 that day. Mallory and her trainer were a great match. She was up for learning new things and he was up for teaching them to her. That summer she entered a barrel club. Every other week we went to the county fair grounds and she raced against other kids her age, she placed 3rd that season. She entered into a few other gaming events as well. We were all very proud of her. All the while I got to be the cheerleader. By the very end of the season, if we were just standing I could hold a lead line for the horse she was using.

I eventually got to where I could walk with the horse and even started to help with the saddle and grooming. His horses seemed more predictable then most I’d encountered and that gave me the confidence to let them into my bubble space. After her second season I came to a stark realization. Her trainer wasn’t going to be able to do this forever and she wasn’t about to stop riding. I was going to have to learn how to handle a horse. (Still my armpits are sweating just thinking about this.)

I worked at becoming comfortable around the horses. I tried to handle them more. Then one day I realized I’d have to ride one before I could really understand one. This thought made me sick, truly I wanted to throw up from the nervousness. I secretly texted with the trainer to schedule a lesson for me to learn how to ride. I didn’t want anyone to know because if I failed miserably then it would be our little secret.

I scheduled the lesson for when my husband would be out of town and when my kids were in school. I didn’t sleep the night before and I was so nervous I couldn’t eat. This was the biggest and boldest thing I’d ever done in my life and I am not exaggerating. I was getting ready to leave for my lesson when my husband came home early from his business trip- crap! busted!. I’m not a good liar and I don’t like to deceive people so I told him to get dressed and that we were going to be outside for a good long while.

For my first lesson the trainer kept the horse on the lunge line while we walked in circles and eventually trotted, we even went in both directions! I know for those of you who ride horses this sounds silly but I can assure you the fear was real and this was a major accomplishment for me. At the end of the lesson I was beginning to relax a bit when the trainer unhooked the lunge rope and told me to walk the horse around the arena. For some perspective, this was the horse my daughter used to barrel race so in my mind I could envision the horse speeding off and me falling off. Fear ran intense through my body. I know some of you are laughing at the thought of me being afraid to walk a horse. Somewhere in my mind I must have thought I seemed ridiculous. I kept telling myself, “Get over it, Get over it.” We must have walked 3 nerve racking laps before I asked if I could get off.

Me at my first lesson.

I continued to have secret weekly lessons until I could ride the horse without the lunge line and even trotted by myself. The first time I slow loped it felt so fast that it scared the daylights out of me. I don’t swear a lot but random swear words would fly out my mouth when things got a bit scary. All the while the trainer was kind and patient with me. He understood my fear was real and knew how far to push at each lesson without sending me over the edge.

At the start of barrel club (8 weeks into my horse adventure) I ran my first race. It wasn’t pretty. I was so nervous I could have puked. When I watch the video now, 2 years later, I laugh. I bounced all over, I was choppy and looked uncomfortable. I made it through the pattern without knocking any barrels over and I didn’t fall off all while achieving the whopping time of 41.21 seconds. Can you believe it! (Stop laughing, I can hear you!) To give you an idea a fast ride on that pattern runs a 16.0. It was so bad that people who were watching laughed. It's hard being an adult learning to ride a horse because everyone assumes you're an experienced rider. They had no idea I’d only been riding a horse for 8 weeks and from their perspective it probably was comical.

Waiting for our first race of the season. Our trainer on the left, my daughter on the right and me in the center. (I’d only been riding a horse for 8 weeks)

I continued to take lessons and grow as a rider. I was a better mom because now I understood my daughter’s sport. I could understand what she was doing and why. I could help coach her a bit. We grew closer. I finished that barrel season with a 23.4, not bad for a beginner. Since that first season I’ve ridden many horses and done more than just barrel racing. I’m happy to say I now feel comfortable handling horses, even when I’m alone. All thanks to a little girl and her horse trainer.

Why the pink helmet you wonder? Well that’s a story for a different day.